If 90s dance act “Haddaway” had really thought about their song “What is Love?” then they’d realise that it’s a fleeting emotion and stuff. What they should really have been bothered about is the far more pressing question: “What is Soup?”
Specifically, what is the act of consuming soup called? Do you eat it, or drink it?
There’s strong arguments for both sides, which have been debated at great lengths by myself and unwilling friends. On the one hand, you can consume soup through a straw, therefore it is a drink. But, it could be argued, given a large enough straw and powerful enough suction device, even steak could be consumed through a straw. Probably. And thick milkshake is a drink, and that’s a pain in the balls to drink.
Soup is a meal, albeit a shit one, which by definition makes it a food. Especially if it’s got bits in it, for example, chicken. Clearly the chicken will be eaten, but just the act of placing food into a drink doesn’t render the drink a food. You can’t throw a Pepperami into a can of Irn Bru and claim the Irn Bru is now food.
In addition, the issue of the vessel of consumption has also been raised. If you have soup in a bowl, it’s a food – soup in a cup is a drink. This must be rejected as silly, as clearly Coke can be consumed, inconveniently, from a plate, and that doesn’t change what it is.
As you can tell, this has been occupying WAY too much of my time, so I e-mailled off to the professionals, to find out what they had to say.
Good Afternoon
Thank you for your email.
I’m happy to confirm that you are both technically correct:
A chunky soup is EATEN
A thinner broth type soup is DRUNKHope this helps to resolve your dispute.
Kind Regards
Debbie Bonnington
Customer Relations
New Covent Garden Food Company
Debbie has fallen into the trap of claiming that the content of the soup can change the nature of the soup itself. REJECTED.
There is no set way to consumer our soup, some people prefer to drink it from a mug and some to eat it from a dish.
Heinz called me “Ms”, which is a disappointment after years of being blokey. But does explain the tits. They also tell us nothing, only that people enjoy soup in different ways. The consumption vessel argument has also been REJECTED.
This is an important question indeed, well raised.
In a fully conclusive survey of one person (me), we can categorically say that, well, we don’t know.
In fact, the mere act of trying to work out which it is has exhausted us.
I wish I could be of more help, but I think I need to lie down.
Good luck on your quest – please, if you find out the answer, do let me know.
All the best,
Joe
Joe from Innocent is my fucking hero, and tells us what we wanted to hear: Even the professionals don’t know. They don’t know what they’re making. This should shock you to the core, at least for 0.00001 of a second. Did you feel that? Was it like a sneeze only better?
Next week: What is yoghurt? And are soggy cornflakes technically a drink?
Does anyone actually know what soup is?
I don’t even like soup that much.
NOTE – The wonderful Hayley has pointed out that it should really be “What is Soup? (Baby don’t slurp me, no more)”. I’m not changing it though, as that’d be an admission that she’s funnier than me.
Haddaway’s a fella, not a groop.
Clearly what is required is some sort of culinary Kinsey scale, to demonstrate that there is middle ground between the two extremes of drink and food (it’s occupied also by some stouts, for example) — which I guess would make them bisoupsuals. There are actually surprisingly few things that are completely food in nature; likewise, there are few things which are completely made out of drink, except possibly for journalists.
WTF are you on about. If a savory fluid is in a bowl, it’s soup; if you want to get exotic or lively up your soup experience, put it in a fucking cup EOS.
If I remember my ‘O’ level Physic correctly light can behave as both a wave and a particle. Soup also has this dual nature. It may be drunk or eaten.
All I know is that drinking soup feels incredibly wrong. The very idea of drinking it through a straw has sent me into convulsions.
Cha0tic raises a point that light can behave as both a wave and a particle and suggests this might be applied to soup. THIS IS A BACKDOOR METHOD OF REINTRODUCING THE ALREADY REJECTED CONSUMPTION VESSEL ARGUMENT!!!! Sorry I got a bit carried away there.
But seriously… Quantum theory states that by observing something you change its nature, you can’t know something’s speed and its direction at the same time. And that if you treat light like a wave it acts like a wave, and if you treat it like a particle it acts like a particle. Cha0tic is saying if you treat soup like a drink it ACTS LIKE A DRINK!
I think what has happened here is that Shouting At Cows has discovered a third category of thing. We used to just have food and drink, ah do you remember those dark days? We thought we knew it all but now… BOOM… Soup is a new category out separate than food and drink. People will talk about this day forever.
I think Alex is onto something there, however it needs refining.
The triple point of water at sea level is 0.01 degrees Celsius. This is the point where water, ice and water vapour can exist in equal measure.
I think soup sits at the triple point of food.
Let’s ask some empirical questions. I once worked with some people who had physical disabilities such that food had to be blitzed before eating. One day, we got some McDonald’s, blitzed it up and gave it to them.
Disregarding the initial question as to whether McDonald’s is food to start with, we’ll assume that it is.
Once that Big Mac was blitzed, it was consumed through a straw and immensely enjoyed.
My question is, it was a big mac, drunk through a straw, is it did, drink or soup?
My wife suggests straining it through a sieve, whatever goes through the sieve is soup, whatever is left is food.
I suspect this technique while useful, fails to provide a clear definition of say, gazpacho, for example.