“Who is your daddy, and what does he do?” asked Arnold Schwarznegger in improbable 90s action film Kindergarten Cop.
If the bumstains on Young, Dumb and Living off Mum were to answer, they’d say “daddy is the best, he does what I tell him”, and then run off to cry because their new Porsche is the wrong shade of blue.
YDALOM is a reality show following eight spoiled, lazy buggers as they’re forced out of the comfort zone of being pampered by mummy, and into a house together. Like Big Brother, except with feckless young idiots. Each week, they perform a task, and at the end, one of them is evicted. Nothing at all like Big Brother.
As you might have gathered from the title, they don’t really have a lot going for them upstairs, so even the act of flushing the toilet is too much for someone, leaving a big skiddy mess for the rest to point and laugh at. A trip to the shops is an emotional journey. Washing up is worthy of an all-out screaming assault.
Biggest poohole of the lot is the ridiculously named Dogan, an Essex wankah whose dad owns an empire of gaudy nightclubs. Being rich entitles him to be a patronising, condescending gimp to people who aren’t miwwyonaires. i.e. Everyone. Clearly, he’s been taking lessons from those other cockends on Dragon’s Den.
The real comedy comes about when they’re set to work, having to actually prove they can be competent at, uh, anything at all. Pie-botherer Nikki (25, “jobs depress me”) spends her day on a farm getting further and further wedged into some mud. Shamefully, the others help pull her out, much to the displeasure of the poor farmer that was conned into allowing them to ‘help’.
At the end of each episode, the parents get together to watch the week’s footage and decide which of the halfwits has been the rubbishest, sending them home. If there were any justice in the world, voiceover guy Robert Webb would bundle into the room at this point with a massive sign saying “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE RAISED.”
Will the parents learn an important lesson about raising their children? Will the teenagers manage to hoover a carpet without descending into all out warfare? Doubtful, but it’s bloody funny to see them try.
