It’s August, and with the first signs of darkness getting earlier, along comes the first mentions of the C word. Not ‘cunt’, ‘cancer’ or ‘Clarkson’, but the other pain in the arse: Christmas.

Even though we’re already living in the future, those utter bastards in marketing departments across the country are desperate for you to be prepared for next Christmas. Starting on Boxing Day.

The local pub has a banner outside – BOOK NOW FOR CHRISTMAS DINNER – No! It’s August, it’s summer holiday time. Can start thinking about Christmas on December 1st, and celebrate it for one day.

One frigging day.

Is it worth the months of build up? Really? Not being able to go into town because suddenly everyone, their wife and their nan are queuing the length of the street to buy a Super Nintendo Wiistation 360 for their sod of a child. This is what we want, is it?

Christmas is a tradition. It’s two weeks off work spent arguing with your family, eating and drinking like a slob and then complaining into January. That’s what Christmas is about, not buying wrapping paper in fucking August.

Tiger Woods 2010 is out already and has been for months. Why even bother sticking the date on it if you’re going to release it this early? Of course, it’s so that next year it doesn’t seem out of date. Just another little trick by those marketing spunkstains. Go away. Stop making things shit. Let me enjoy summer in peace.